Cold cold, blue topped mornings,
not so blue.
When the crystals
When the nerves,
wired to the toes
Engines of all,
engines of many,
Fortunate we are,
for socks and shoes.
Fortunate we are
for skies that wrestle,
a crystal blue.
Anger, is often powerful. It is internalised, rising lava. We’re all prone to our eruptions in one way or another.
Some breakdown under the weight of it all, some focus that energy, and channel it through means of their own.
Anger, at its best. Is the purest rawest emotion next to grief and potentially, love. Anger goes deep in to psychotic realms when things have finally gotten too much; you know when you punch through multiple doors, break knuckles, break everything? Those classic days eh?
Smash smash smash smash! And almost as if you had just had a horrific orgasm, you land back in reality, with damaged goods all over the place, regret running rampant in your brain, the physical pain, the exhaustion all feeding back in to that vicious cycle.
What a wild mechanism we have, a radical means to survive that is sure enough to set you in to a berserker trance. Nowadays anger is caused often by things less life threatening than another tribe attempting to trample yours. Anger is dangerous, extraordinarily so, like the nuclear bomb! But hey, from it we gained a valuable energy source. (Not so win-win but just go along with me here).
So to all you stress heads and those who fret, there must be a way to shift the balance, and we should attempt to swing the paradigm in our favour, take the bull by the horn and wrestle it into submission until we can ride it away in to our mushroom cloud sunset.
Let it be known I’m no expert on anger, I’m just an expert at being angry from time to time.
So let’s consider this, that anger is power. Anger is power, it is equally chaos(I love that word). Born in Jealousy, sadness, confusion, disorientation. You name it, it stems from something if not everything. It grows gradually, it is justified as much as a sneeze is and there is a place for it in the
It must happen, anger must be. There are many people with whom it may never fully flourish, the pure souls and the strange ones. Or those who have seen the extent of what their anger can do try in earnest to tame the beast. I am talking in a general sense here; Some become violently angry and assault people, some violently and destroy property. Some spend their life weaving the anger through racism, anarchy or general anti-social, self-destructive behaviours cultivated over years and dispensed in one way or another. To which the said person/beast has at some point justified their actions, which is natural, we have to in order to survive, to be able to cope with what we did and
how we move forward from these points.
But nonetheless, it doesn’t matter what made you angry, it just matters what you do with it.
We have to, anger is fierce and out of control. We see new angles on ourselves when really pushed forth into that desperate unknown; that little piece of us that is incredibly powerful and is snapped in to action by a host of chemical, psychological, personal and often social factors. It takes a lot out of you to get THAT mad. When you really fucking lose it. And for many I think some justification is a thin streak of gold to cling to. If it were unjustified then yes, it’s a little crazy at first. I’ve had many questionable outbursts of destructive behaviour that I am still trying to justify to myself to this day. Mounds and heaps of regret. At university I broke eight (or more) doors and other belongings all because I lost all my marbles multiple times over things I understand more now. And for me that was it, I wasn’t coping with a lot of change going happening. Life was a speedboat thundering its way down a thin canal in a beautiful ball of hellfire. It was easy to forget all those things that kept the demons at bay or expelled them.
Anger is instinctive in many ways; like the sneeze it can only be held back for so long. But we are good at doing that, we deal with our angers – most of us – with fine outlets. Sports are a number one. Numero Uno. Anger generates a mad energy, a scratch that can’t be itched, it is futile trying to reason with it.
So let us put it somewhere. This revved up motor needs a speedway to blaze across, where is your speed way?
Where is the physical scream your body yearns for?
Do you ride a bike? Gym? Run? Paint? Play video games? Where does it all go when things get too much?
It’s important to remember these outlets in your moments of blind red rage. It’s not easy to go ahead and get them off the ground, it is also extremely easy to forget that you have passions and you have places to put it.
Anger is adversity and adversity has only ever done one thing, separate the weak from the strong. A lot of people won’t have to face adversity because when confronted with illness, personal challenges or discomfort. They seek the distractions. The booze, women, men, The X Factor or a new purchase, new pill from the doctor; temporary fixes with long term consequences.
The anger is still there you know, that usual distracting crap that only takes away time from you and brings you back in to blind comfort.
In comfort we never grow, adversity is a cause for change and thus makes room for an evolution of the self, which is a terrifically difficult journey to embark on. When things start feeling particularly rough, don’t go for those easy comforts that are so accessible, don’t even consider sitting on that sofa one second longer, don’t get in to bed, don’t turn on the TV. Get up, get out and look around at all your options, and realise you have many.
If you see a storm on the horizon, and the road is long, and there is no light at the end of the tunnel. Get up get up get up and go and finish whatever it is you started a year ago, today.
Finish that project, START that project. Go and run until your legs can carry you no more and your eyes sting from the tears.
Go write it out, go punch a bag, count to ten and then count again and funnel all the madness in to something other than self-destruction and the destruction of all that is around you.
And then you’ll realise that anger, as recurring as it may be, is transient, a passing storm and nothing permanent. Only when you go ape shit do you truly prolong the anger, objects and memories of your warpath, the trail you blazed and all for what? Anger? Come on, we are all better than that.
When you’re out there, crunching down the great big doom and gloom in whatever way you deemed appropriate, remember those things that got you angry enough to go out and crush it all with productivity. Keep replaying those moments that drove you so insane, visualise them and blast them apart with every inch and fibre of being you have to spare.
Do it again and again and again.
No one is saying it’s a cure, no one says this will fix the problems.
But if the problem has converted itself in to anger, and anger manifests itself in ferocity and energy, then take all that energy and convert it further, you’ll be surprised with what you can do.
An hour is enough
time to dress.
Slug through the juggernaught sleep
still rampaging the bones.
Rich in promise,
of supplementary power.
Get to work,
Two sausage rolls
from the Co-op,
Down the power brown,
Smoke, smoke, smoke.
What am I doing to my body?
Not having a smart phone, or even device. Could prove itself to be a controversial topic.
‘Who the hell doesn’t have a smart phone other than dealers and cheap edgy ironic hipsters?’.
Well, you smart phone wielding tit. This guy right here, this guy.
I’ve dabbled – a cheap old Samsung moon-rising-experia or whatever. Pardon the pun, but I may be coming across as out of touch. Oh yeah, lick that joke off my boot – It blows peoples mind when I need to let them know upon Instagram requests and the like that I indeed have an under ten pound option, modern build, that has three primary functions (for me).
It has a great torch on it that switches on when you press and hold the #5 button. Yes….buttons…remember those?
These functions are enough for me and really should be enough. But sometimes I sit and wish I could be playing Pokémon Go; you all look like you’re having a great deal of fun. Good for you.
I’d like to be able to email more on the go – much more work would get done. Perhaps I’d be able to keep an eye on my blog, the news, the weather, bus times and shit all day.
But screw it, no one needs to do that in order to do well.
I say this without being all high and mighty – in my brief time with a smart device, it was revealed to me that these things are more all consuming than they appear to be. Take photos, upload photos on to Facebook, browse Facebook, browse the web, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe. Notifications, bleep bleep bleep!
“Turn them off!” I hear you call, ah yes of course and render the point of instant contact/instant response useless, and forget about those other things and be distracted by another stupid thing. It was difficult to moderate such a BLAM of information to my pocket.
I even set up a twitter, that up until recently was completely redundant. The only action my ‘blog’ Twitter gets is when I decide to release something I’ve written. The only REAL things I would want a smart phone for are their Cameras and internet banking. Because money often vanishes fast and hard from my bank account. Got a new job but more on that another time maybe.
I had an Amazon Kindle Fire HD 7 SUPER HOT FIRE tablet bought for me as a birthday present. I didn’t know how to take it, until I started using it for banking and emails – then it was love.
But then how can you resist all those time killing thumb swiping apps, oh god what about the free Zynga Poker App? Poker is fantastic fun, and when it’s free, it’s endless, hours of fun. It was a game a played whilst drinking and smoking alone for hours and hours and hours winning and losing. The addiction was so raw that I had to play until the point of losing all my virtual currency so that I could sleep, and that time didn’t come much before 4am. You can get addicted to almost anything, but games really mess me up. Especially incremental value games, for example another game called Tap Titans, which is a simple Kill things > Get Money > Invest Money > Kill things faster > Make more money > Repeat model. Played it for 40 hours or so; no crazy story, no decent soundtrack no amazing game play and ground breaking mechanics. But I had fun, too much wasted fun; it is what it is. – I also spent about a five real pounds on more chips when I went bust a few times…I could easily fall into THAT trap.
There are benefits to such technologies, but surely people must see that something is going very wrong here, whilst there are tons of cases for them being productive tools, there is also the case against them for being very time consuming little boxes, where you can socialise by numbers, play games. How many people do you know who can’t have one moment to themselves without wanting to share it around the world for validation.
I’m also happy to not be one of those people on public transport, head down swiping away.
Also very happy not be another person at the dinner table or out at a restaurant sitting there ignoring everyone in the present moment. Not another twat in a car texting and driving obsessed with a COMPUTER, and consequent window to the ‘modern world’.
Perhaps I will change my mind, but until smart phones are no longer a plague against society then I probably won’t. I don’t want to end up like that. Living in a world where it is perfectly OK to sit in a room with other people, not say a word to each other but speak to everyone and everything else. Because I wouldn’t be able to control myself, I consider going phoneless but it’s just me wanting to get rid of my Facebook in all honesty.
It’s funny how I can’t ‘yet’.
Another thing to consider another time.